Visits, Visits and More Visits

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Visits, Visits and More Visits

Olya came knocking on our bedroom door this morning, telling me to “stand up”! Even at that time in the morning, it was still precious! We were planning on skipping Bible class because it makes a long morning with class and worship in Russian. We got up and got ready for church and sat and visited over coffee for me and Sprite for Lance while we waited for church to start. Church is in the same building as the TLC. The right half is the church and the left half is the TLC. So, we didn’t have far to go for worship. Immediately upon walking in, we were greeted by smiling faces and lots of hugs. People were happy to see us and we were happy to see them. One of the first people to greet us was Dennis. He was the boy we both fell in love with our first December trip to Mariupol. I remember him so much on that trip. He was so funny as he was trying to teach me Russian. Lance was motivated by Dennis and he was the boy that Lance initially moved to Ukraine to be with. Dennis lived at the center some during Lance’s first year. He is now married to Juila Grachova, a beautiful red-head that was one of the first students at the TLC. We were privileged to be at their wedding when we lived in Ukraine. They just recently had a baby so we congratulated Dennis on being a father.

We then went in and joined the worship service and visiting with others afterwards. Bogdan had been planning on coming to church with us and even bringing a friend. However, that morning, there was some sort of quarantined, so he called and said that he couldn’t come. However, we could come visit him in the afternoon. Tanya also called saying she got this information and was not going to be able to bring the girls she normally brings to church either.

After church, we went with Marina and Julia to the apartment that Natasha Serdukova and Marina share. It was a little ways away. We took the bus. Buses are really interesting here, because when you think you can fit anyone else on the bus, about 10 more people manage to squeeze their way in. At one point in time, I just knew I was going to end up on the floor because my arms would barely reach the pole to hang on and a gentleman would not move his legs for me to stand without leaning way over. Luckily, we managed to hang on until our stop when we piled out of the bus. The girls were excited to have us over as their guests in their apartments. It is a nice two room apartment with a large living room, a bedroom they share with one bed, and one pallet on the floor. It then has a bathroom, toilet room, and a nice kitchen. The girls were really proud of it. They apologized for not having more than two chairs and a TV in the living room, and said that they hope to get a couch someday soon. We were just fine without a couch and enjoyed our time there sitting on the floor. Natasha served us borsch and crab salad. She makes a very good borsch. It was nice to see that they treated us with respect and politeness as their guests. They took our coat when we arrived and even helped us put it on as we were leaving. They made sure we were comfortable at the table while eating and that we had a napkin and even bread to go with our meal. I know the apartment is expensive for them to rent, so I hope that they can continue to have enough money to stay there, as they seem so happy there. I remember the feeling of my first apartment and being on my own.

Bogdan had called and said for us to come at 4:00 so we had a little while to wait. So, Natasha decided that we should go for a walk by the sea. So, we took a bus to the sea, walked around and looked at the frozen sea for awhile and took pictures and made our way back to the orphanage. On the way to the orphanage, we were careful not to stand too close to the street, so that we wouldn’t get splashed by cars passing by. The snow had started to melt and it was slushy by now. It was as if we were waling on sno-cones everywhere. Well, a little later down the road, I was waiting to cross the street and looking down for some reason, I think because I was somewhat stuck in snow up to my calves and didn’t notice a car was coming by. So, I got splashed pretty good. My coat was wet and I even had muddy water on my face as well as my jeans. In trying to get the muddy water off my face, another car came by and splashed me again. UGH! At least I wasn’t soaking wet, but my jeans were pretty nasty. Lance and Natasha had a good laugh at my expense over this and so did Bogdan when Lance shared the story with him later.

We got to the orphanage and the kids went looking for Bogdan. He was outside playing soccer, of course! When he came in, he gave me one of the biggest hugs I’ve ever gotten from him. I even let go a little before he did, and noticing that he was still hugging me, I hugged him some more and relished every minute of it.

His teacher invited us into the music room and some of his classmates gave us a concert. Bogdan didn’t play but sat by us on the couch. The first time I came to Mariupol on a Christmas trip, these kids played a concert for us. I remember being so impressed and telling the teacher that he was a great teacher for these kids and teaching them some great skills through music. He does have a passion for music and a heart for these kids. I have since seen a concert by them many times now and love each and every one of them. I’ve gone back and looked at pictures and video and Bogdan was not at the first concert, but has been in all the ones since then. Who knew at that time, that I might one day come to love one of those kids as my own child. It was somewhat funny to watch some of the kids. They are so much more mature and grown up now than the first time I saw them play. If I had all my old pictures here, I could share them with you, but they are at home on my external drive. The guy that plays drums, looks exactly the same, just a lot taller and older. He played the drums perfectly, but with the same blank stare on his face as he had the first time I saw them. He has probably played those same songs a million times since then. I told the teacher they did a great job, but he was not so pleased with their performance. One little boy with a solo on a recorder had a hard time keeping his place and playing so I know the teacher was not too pleased. I however, enjoyed the concert nonetheless.

After the concert, Natasha left and it was just Bogdan, Lance and me in the room. I told him I was sorry I didn’t make it yesterday and he said he understood and it was no problem. We talked about what they did the day before and how the pictures were so funny to me. We talked about a lot of funny things and he called me, “crazy Debra” like he so often does. Eventually, I relented and agreed I was crazy, but that he was also crazy and he agreed that he was. We had a good laugh. I told him I love his laugh and missed hearing it. So, I kept saying things that would make him laugh so I could hear it over and over.

We did talk a little about adoption and asked him if he had thought it over. He said he had and that yes, he wanted us to try again and he understood there was a very small chance we could. So, we told him we would do everything in our power to try and adopt him again. Lance has already sent an email to Natasha, our facilitator, letting her know our plans and asking if she can help get the paperwork going in Ukraine. We are planning on discussing this with her when we see her in Kiev. I told him that it will be hard, but we will do what we can. Since this includes another $20,000 or more, we have a lot to do. Lance and I have been discussing whether or not I should return to the classroom or get some other full-time job. I really don’t want to because I love teaching at Richland College and the retirement center so much. But, if we have to come up with that kind of money again, I will have to find a full-time job which may mean going back to public schools. Anyway, we made a promise to him to try, so we have to whatever it takes whether we like it or not. We told him that we would still be family, with our without the papers no matter what. We believe with all our heart that not adopting Bogdan at this time was God’s plan. We have been given what we prayed for, kids that need us and the kids we need. We have been given two great healthy young boys that need a family and a father figure very badly. Perhaps it will be in God’s will to adopt Bogdan at a later time. We know that if we would have been able to adopt Bogdan this time, that we would not have met nor been able to adopt our boys. To adopt from separate orphanages, you have to do separate adoptions. So, we know without a doubt that God’s plan is at work here and that He has a plan for Bogdan too, we just don’t yet know what that is. Perhaps this happened to let Bogdan see just how much we love him and will do for him. Perhaps it happened so that he could know just how badly he wanted to come to America. Perhaps we will be able to adopt him in the future, perhaps not. Perhaps this happened so that we could explain and Bogdan could see that God is at work in our lives and as long as we trust in Him that God will take care of our needs. Perhaps, as many of you have said, Bogdan is supposed to stay in Ukraine and carry on the work Lance started with him with other orphans. Who knows.

I asked Bogdan if we were to adopt him, would it be ok that he had two new younger brothers. He said, “Of course”. I also asked if it was ok if he had a sister too? He just gave me a crazy look and said, “If you get a girl, then I get a dog. A big dog!” Lance told him that I have a fear of becoming like Tim the Tool Man Taylor’s house on Home Improvement. He laughed at that. He totally understood, because he and I would watch that show when he was in the US. He would laugh so hard at Tim. The last night he was at our house, he laid in our bed with us and we watch a fun episode and laughed so hard that we woke Lance up! Good times. I was so amazed then that a 14 year old would lay in bed with us and snuggle up to us because he was going to miss us when he left.

Lance asked him if it was ok for him to hug him a lot and for him to give him a kiss. He said of course it was. So, we go to hug him a lot and give him kisses on his cheek. A 15 year old letting us hug and kiss him and returning the hugs so genuinely, now that is amazing!

I asked him what his girlfriend thought of him moving to America and he just shrugged his shoulders with a smirk on his face. He had already told us early in our conversation that he was not planning on getting married until he was 30 years old! And then he also said that we would be the grand-parents to his children no matter what happened with the adoption. After getting back to Zaporozhye and checking an adoption blog of some friends of ours, we learned that they are planning on going back to adopt one more time. They currently have 8 children, four of which have been adopted from Ukraine and Russia and two of them form the orphanage in Mariupol where Bogdan lives. The girl they are planning on adopting, just happens to be Karina, Bogdan’s girlfriend. No wonder he had that smirk on his face. The Bobbinger’s blog says that they got a letter a few months back that just broke their hearts and they have to adopt one more time. I am curious to find out if that was about the same time that we got the letter from Bogdan saying that in America he could become a “real man” and that he changed his mind and definitely wants to be adopted. Hmmmm.

We said good-bye to Bogdan for now, but now forever. He hugged me so hard and told me, “I Love You” in English. We said that we were all going to keep in touch and Bogdan said he would call while we were in still in country. It was hard saying good-bye and watching him and Lance hug so hard. I had to have several hugs before I could leave and each one was returned with a firm grasp by Bogdan. Walking down the stairs, the tears just began streaming down my face and I didn’t even try to hold them back this time. The hallways at this orphanage were very dark, unlike the orphanage where our boys are. The orphanage in Mariupol has always seemed very dark and dreary.

It was a cold lonely walk for us back to the orphanage in the dark. Our thoughts and conversations were on how in the world could we make this happen.

When we got back to the orphanage, Natasha M (blondinka, as I like to call her) was helping Yana fix her hair and get all beautiful. I’m not sure why Natasha was all fixed up and helping Yana do the same, because it was close to dinner and they weren’t going anywhere else for the evening. I guess they just wanted to be beautiful. Once Natasha finished fixing Yana’s hair, she called Julia and Dennis, the new parents I mentioned earlier to see if we could come for a visit. They said they would love to have us over and we got permission for Natasha to take us there.

They live in an apartment that former missionaries lived in and that at one time we thought about purchasing. It was a not a really long walk, but it was cold out and for lazy Americans that aren’t used to walking everywhere anymore, it was a journey. Of course, I was in back of Natasha and Lance the whole time, because I can’t walk at a Ukrainian pace like they can. I don’t know how they walk so fast, I guess all the practice they get. ;-)

We got to the apartment and met the cutest little baby boy, Pasha. He looks just like Dennis with chubby cheeks. Julia looked good as well. We got to visit for quite awhile. They shared pictures of the baby and their homecoming. They also showed us a video that Sasha the preacher had made for them with pictures of the pregnancy, the time at the hospital, the homecoming etc. The video included video of them learning how to bathe the baby and giving him his first bath. It was great to see how the two of them worked so hard together to take good care of baby Pasha. What a treat to see children that Lance had “parented” at the center, grow up to be loving, caring and wonderful parents. It is great to see that they are now a Christian family that will stay together and not leave their child for an orphanage to raise!

They were having so much fun showing us pictures that they even showed us pictures they had of when they were young. I think it started out because Dennis wanted to show us just how much Pasha looked like his baby pictures. It is true, he does, chubby little cheeks and all. It was neat to see some of their family pictures that they were able to get a hold of. A lot of orphan children don’t have a lot of photos of when they were younger unless someone in their family is able to save them for them. Some of the pictures were taken during soviet times and were very telling to look at. It was a great evening with wonderful people.

After a pretty long visit, we needed to get back to the center to get Natasha home and so we could eat. We walked by the store so that Lance could get some money from the ATM and also put some money on his phone. So from there, Natasha and I walked home arm in arm and enjoyed a little visit of our own. She will graduate this year, so she was telling me what she wanted to do after living in the center. More than likely, she will go to Donetsk as she has family there.

Once back at the center, we ate. The kids had saved us each a plate of ploff (sp). It is a rice dish with chicken and a few carrots. It was really good and I normally don’t care much for ploff. I had planned on helping Alexandra finish the quilt she was making for Julia’s birthday sometime today, but didn’t realize that we would be gone the whole day. She had gotten a lot of work done on it today, so she didn’t need at much help. She was exhausted, you could tell by looking at her and we were pretty tired too. So, we decided I could help her finish it in the morning before we left as only the edging was still left to do. She had a headache and her shoulders ache. I know that feeling of sewing all day to finish a quilt! So, I offered to give her a massage, eventually she relented and I was able to loosen her shoulders up a little bit and help ease her headache. She has a lot of work to do with 11 kids in the center and only two days off a week. It is a lot for parents to do, but even more so for only one adult alone. Of course, Tanya is still there to help run the house, but Alexandra is the house parent and on duty 24/7 while she is there.

Lance and I were happy to spend time at the center, but didn’t miss all the work. Lance especially didn’t miss the “ding dong” of the doorbell every time a child came home. They have done some remodeling and the place looks really good. It was also good to see the ladies from the church working so hard with Tanya to take care of the kids. It has more of a Ukrainian feel to it than when we Americans were the house parents. It is a mission that needs to be operated by the local Christians, so we were happy to see that it was going well.

Now, This Feels Like Home

Saturday, January 30, 2010

My headache from all the stress and worry was gone when I awoke this morning, thankfully. Today was going to be a busy day, we already knew that, and it proved to be so.

The morning time was spent visiting with the kids at the center and those that came by for a visit. We got to spend a lot of time with Olya today. She came by and brought her new computer she just got for me to help her with. We put pictures on that I had on Lance’s computer (since mine wants to work only when it wants to) and those that we had taken together on this trip. She was so excited to get these pictures. She immediately placed one on the desktop of us with some of the girls. We tried to help her sign in to her email that I helped her set up the last time I was there, but didn’t have much luck, so we decided to set her up a new one later on. It was nice having the wireless internet card that we are using of Hasan’s because we got on the Internet several times to show kids how we can keep in contact with each other. We also showed them how they can write us a message in Russian and we can use Google Translate to translate the message into English. We could be a walking advertisement for Google Translate and even Google Earth since we have shared those tools many times on this trip. The kids were excited when we would show them the translate tool because that meant that we could keep in contact better. This was a good trip with “our kids” from the center because I think they realized that we have been back as much as possible since we left the center and that we have not forgotten them and never will.

Today was Julia’s birthday so there was a lot of excitement in the house. The girls love to have any excuse to get all dressed up. So, they were in and out of Julia’s room all morning getting all dressed up to go out walking that afternoon. They love to go out walking. Julia turned 18 today. She was just 15 when she moved into the center when we were there. She was the youngest teen in the house. My how she has grown and matured. She and Borya (one of the boys that lived at the TLC when we were there) have been boyfriend and girlfriend for almost two years now. It is nice to see how Borya has also matured and what a good boyfriend he is to Julia.

I was looking forward to the afternoon very much. Today, my very first and very dear friend Dima, known to everyone as Little Dima was coming for a visit. I had not seen him in over 5 years. We had worked at several camps together as he was often my translator when I would go read stories and play with various camp groups at night. We pretty much did everything together while at these camps. The first time I met him was my first trip to Ukraine and we became friends right away. He was so funny and we laughed so much together. He had such a love for children and a lot of energy (which I used to have) that we were always meeting new kids at the camps or in the neighborhood we stayed at. Our evenings were spent laughing, eating ice cream and the many sweets that he enjoyed from America that we would bring him.

One year he was helping locate translators for our camp. It was the first year I brought a team from California over. All of a sudden, right before camp started, he emailed me to tell me that he couldn’t finish locating translators and that he wouldn’t be at the camp that summer, because he was joining a monastery. Yes, you heard that correctly. I was so shocked that I was not going to get to see him that summer, that we still had to locate translators and that he was going to leave his wife and join a monastery. I was not able to get in touch with him much that summer and was a little lost without my Little Dima to her me communicate with all the kids that year. Long story a little bit shorter, Dima did decide to stay at the monastery, but we have had some contact over the last five years. Every once in awhile he would be able to have access to email and write, or once or twice a year, we would be able to call each other. He would always text me to call him when he had access to his phone. I recall one time at Jimmy’s (my brother’s) getting a text to call him and I didn’t have my Ukrainian phone card with me and no way to call directly from my cell. So, I used my brother’s phone and ended up spending $140 on that phone call to him. Another time, I ended up spending about $50 on our home phone to talk to him for just a few minutes. He has been a good friend and it was so hard to have him just drop off the face of the earth that summer. I’m glad that we are now able to keep in better contact. He had emailed me some in December when we were here and just a few days ago emailed me to see if I was still in country because he was leaving the monastery for a few days to go help his mother out in Donetsk which is close to Mariupol. So, we had made plans for him to come see me in Mariupol while we were there.

He, his brother and another gentleman from the monastery took the bus from Donetsk to Mariupol today to come spend a few hours with me. The bus ride is two hours one way and he only got to stay a few hours at the TLC. I know it was a sacrifice for them to come for a short visit, but it was worth for us to get to see each other.

They got to the center about 1:30 or 2:00 and were hungry. All the TLC kids had eaten, so Alexandra said we could have some of the soup that was left from lunch. So, the three of them and Lance and I sat down for some lunch. We visited a little over lunch and then the two that were with him joined the TLC kids in the living room watching TV. Lance stayed for a while and visited too, but needed to go see Bogdan as we told him we would come visit after 2:00. I was torn because I wanted to go see Bogdan too, but had not seen Little Dima for over 5 years. I knew that Dima wasn’t going to be able to stay too long, so I told Lance I would come to the orphanage after Dima left. He told me he would explain to Bogdan why I couldn’t come and that Bogdan would understand and he would see me there later.

Then, it was just Dima and I visiting. We had a very good visit. I told him that I was his true friend and was going to be honest with him and that I knew that we could say anything to each other and it would be ok because we were that good of friends. I told him that I didn’t understand why he left his wife, the Church and joined the monastery. I assured him though, that I would still be his friend even though I didn’t understand why he did what he did. We talked in detail about a lot of his reasoning’s and some if really personal that I will leave out here since it was a conversation to only be shared between the two of us and not to be posted for the world to see on the Internet. I know the whole world is not reading this blog, but several people who know Little Dima are.

The first time I met Dima we took a trip to a monastery one day and he told me how the thought of living in a monastery was appealing to him. I never thought that he would actually live in one though. He explained that there are two kinds of monasteries, one being mission oriented where they go out and work with people and kids and one being a contemplative monastery where they mostly stay at the monastery and devote the majority of their day praying. Dima had wanted to go to the mission monastery but said that God seemed to be closing all the doors to this type of monastery and he ended up at a contemplative one instead. I told him that I had a hard time with the thought of being at a monastery all his life and not getting out and helping people. He said he could understand that. That he knows how hard it is to be out in the world helping people, so at his monastery, they devote the majority of their time to praying for those that are out in the world helping others. He said they need a lot of prayer to be able to do what they do, to do the camps and mission work with orphans like we do, and that we don’t always have the time to pray for strength, so they do the praying for us. In some ways that made sense to me the way he explained it. But, I do believe that God calls us to come down off the mountain top and help others in the world around us. Of course, I also know that God would want me to spend more time in prayer and in worship of Him than I do.

The monastery that he is in is a Catholic one. I always thought it was a Ukrainian Orthodox Monsatery. He said that Orthodox monasteries are more strict and that if he had joined one of those that he would not even be allowed to talk to me. We had a long visit and relived a lot of good memories, from drinking coffee with sweetened condensed milk in it, to breaking chairs from laughing so hard, to jokes we had about saluting flags. It was great to relive these memories and laugh about our good times.

Everyone once in awhile, the kids or Alexandra would come through and sit and visit for awhile. It was interesting to watch how they would just open up and talk so freely to Dima. Natasha remembered Dima from a camp in Mariupol several years back and he remembered her, so they too shared some memories.

I was such a good time to actually see and be able to visit with and hug Little Dima. The time passed by so quickly and before we knew it, it was after 5:00 and they needed to get back to the bus station to go back to Donetsk. I walked them to the bus stop and said good-bye again. It was hard to say good-bye to Dima because who knows when and if I’ll get to see him again. However, we will always have each other in our hearts and one day will see each other again in Heaven. Dima actually gave me a hug when the bus got there, which surprised me. He was in his Monk clothes and I didn’t think that he would hug me in public dressed that way, but he did. I was glad to be able to hug him and let him know just how much I still loved him and that we would always be friends. It was weird watching the door on the bus close and Dima showing me the sign language “I Love You” that we always taught the kids at camp. Who knows, maybe our paths will cross again in Ukraine, if not here, then in Heaven.

Right before Dima left, I called Lance to let him know I was going to come up to the orphanage. He said that by the time I got there that the kids would be going to dinner and that he would be on his way home. So, I decided to stay at the center and help Alexandra cook. I did talk to Bogdan on the phone and explained why I didn’t come up there and he said he understood. I told him I would see him on Sunday and that I loved him. He said he loved me too and would see me tomorrow.

Lance is busy and told me I could write about his time with Bogdan. He is not much of a writer anyway and would probably leave out the good stuff. He would more than likely say, “We had a great day!” and that would be about it. So, I will try and recapture his time with Bogdan that afternoon as he told it to me. Bogdan was excited to see him and gave him a big hug when he got there. They visited all afternoon, but nothing was said about the adoption, therefore there was no tension in the room. Lance took his computer and shared with Bogdan the pictures of our house that we had for our court hearing. He showed him the wall with all our family pictures on it and explained that there were no friends there, just family. He zoomed in on the photo to show that Bogdan’s picture was there on the wall and that he would always be family, no matter if we had a paper saying so or not. He also showed the pictures of him of him on the fridge and the front dining room that is our “mission room” where pictures of mission trips hang. One whole wall is Ukraine photos and memorabilia and of course, his pictures are there as well. Bogdan seemed real pleased with the fact that we see him all around our house. In fact, in the discussion the day before, Lance told him that his photo from the summer at our house was on his night stand and that it was the first thing he saw when he went to bed and the first thing he saw when he woke up in the mornings. I think this trip really solidified in Bogdan’s mind just how much we love him and how much we truly want to help him.

Some of Bogdan’s friends came in and they played with the web cam on the computer and the special effects in PhotoBooth to take some crazy pictures. They laughed and had a great time. Lance shared some of the photos with me later in the evening and I laughed so hard I broke out in a coughing fit. That web cam sure does make for some fun entertainment!

By this time, it was almost dinner-time so Lance needed to leave. He gave Lance a phone number where he could reach him and said he planned on talking to us while we in country as much as possible. On Lance’s walk back to the center, he slipped on the ice and fell four times. Luckily, he didn’t hurt himself or the computer he was carrying in his backpack. We sure don’t need two broken computers over here!

When I arrived back at the center, I helped Alexandra and a few kids prepare Julia’s birthday dinner. Birthday dinners were and still are a big deal to the kids. They usually get to choose what they have for their special dinner. However, since we left, the kids are more involved in the prep of the meal and cake. On Friday evening, Julia, Borya and his brother Maxim (who is one of the new kids at the center) made her birthday cake, a napoleon. It is a hard cake to make, but it sure is good. It is one of the only Ukrainian cakes that I like. This morning, Julia was in the kitchen making up several salads for dinner. So, a lot of the work was already done, but a lot of the work was still left to do.

Alexandra makes the best Brizolli and the kids all love it. So, that is the meal entrée they all have on their birthday now. I helped Alexandra and kids make this. We started at 5:30 and didn’t sit down to dinner until almost 8:00. It does time a lot more time to prepare dinner here, especially when cooking for so many people. I think there were about 20 people for dinner. Anyway, Brizolli is a meat cutletta that is thin and fried with an egg in a pan. Then rolled inside of it is a mixture of sautéed onions, mushrooms and cabbage. It is then baked in the oven and is to die for delicious. There were also several salads, small sandwiches and the biggest dish of mashed potatoes I’ve ever seen. After dinner, there was not a drop of any of it left! Then the cake was brought out and shared. It was so good, but I was so full I couldn’t finish the large slice they gave me.

Julia then opened some of her presents. Tanya and the center gave her a box of pots and pans. Now, when she leaves the center this summer, she will already have some of the practical things she needs. We gave her a card and some money, which she was very happy to get. She also got lots of jewelry, another cake, candy and a beautiful wallet from friends. She was beaming from ear to ear as she showed us all of her presents. She is such a sweet girl.

I went back in her room to help her put it all away and we talked a little about when I was there. She recalled the time that her arm got burned really badly and how I cried with her and helped her until we could get her to the doctor. It was Thanksgiving one year and she ran out of the door of her bedroom right into a boiling hot pan of something (I don’t recall what) that spilled all over her. She had pretty bad burns all over her arm. She showed me her arm and that there are no scars at all now. We were glad about that. She again told me thank you for holding her and helping her when it happened.

The rest of the evening was spent showing the kids Google Earth and finding where we lived, where the center was, where they worked and went to school and other fun places on the map. I also helped Olya set up her new email account. She always called me Debs when I was there, so she wanted her user name to be “DebsOlya”. How precious. Even now as I write this, she has already emailed me twice. I’m so glad we will be able to keep in touch better.

Olya had gotten permission to spend the night and we were planning on having a slumber party in the front room like on my last night in the center before we moved back to the US, but we were all so tired from the many events of the day that we gave up the idea of staying up late. She slept in the girl’s room, but at least we got to spend the evening together.

What a long, but very rewarding day!

Finally, Our Talk With Bogdan

We got up and got ready for our day. We were excited to have hot water for our showers, but the downstairs bathroom was really cold as there is no way to heat it. The center now has some plug in fan type of heaters that blow warm air instead of cold air, which helps to keep the cold places in the TLC warmer. They are so nice, but there is no place to plug one of these in in the downstairs bathroom. So getting out of the warm shower, into the cold room made me hurry to get dressed.

Not long after we were up, some of the first students that Lance worked with at the TLC came for a visit. Marina and Ira, twin sisters, and Julia Sherbakova along with Ira’s little girl, Dasha came just to see us and visit. We had about a three-hour visit with the girls and loved every minute of it. We talked about what has gone on in each of our lives since we last saw each other. Ira has gotten married and now has Dasha who is about 18 months old. Marina has a boyfriend and talked about possibly getting married in another year or two. She promised to let us know when she does, if she does. Julia also talked about her life and how hard it is for her right now and how she has nothing and no joy. She is going through some trials and hard decisions and was asking our advice. Lance is so good at giving advice, because he never tells you what you should do, but gives both sides of the decision and ideas for what to think about while making the decision. He was very good with Julia in telling her some things she needed to think about, decisions that she needed to make first and then discussing some of her options with her. He never told her what to do, but told her it was her life and her decision as to what she wanted to do with her life. I could tell that she enjoyed our time together. She really needed someone to talk to and she trusts us as she has confided in us many times in the past and emails us periodically as well. She is such a precious young girl and has so much potential. She is just in such a hard spot in her life right now. Please pray that God can show her the way to the path He has planned for her.

It was great to hear the girls talk about their time in the center. They said they should have paid attention to what they were being told when they lived there, because everyone was so right. They talked about how they had the opportunity to learn English for free, but didn’t want to at the time. And, now, if they want to study English, they have to pay for it themselves. They talked about how they didn’t like to cook or clean, but now that they are in “the real world” those skills are very handy because they have to use them daily. Ira especially commented on the fact that she has to cook, clean and take care of Dasha, which is a lot of work. She now knows why we said they should wait to have children. We told the girls how much a facilitator for adoptions makes and that it would be a great career for them, but that they would have to study and learn English. Marina said that she didn’t know why going out and walking was so important when she lived at the TLC that she wished she would have listened and studied more while she was there so that she would have more possibilities now! Hindsight is 20/20 they say!

Dasha was a sweet little girl and finally warmed up to me a little bit before they had to leave. It was so funny to watch Ira dress little Dasha to go outside in the cold. She was so bundled up that she could barely walk. Ira had to chase her around the house to get her dressed as she was on the go! We took pictures and gave the girls big hugs as they left. We told them we loved them and that we missed them and would see them again sometime. Marina had tears in her eyes as she was saying good-bye. Lance wrote Julia a letter and will email it to her just encouraging her and letting her know that she is very loved and that we, along with many of our friends, are still here for her. Even though we are miles and miles away physically, we are never far apart emotionally.

Other kids we worked with when we were there stopped by to see us. It is funny how quickly the word gets around when we are in town. Natasha Serdakova, our giggles, showed up for a visit and she had not been to the center in months. Marina, who know shares an apartment with Natasha showed up also, but she comes quite often to the center because she and Julia are really good friends. Also, Olya, my shadow when we lived here, came by as well. She visited for a while and said that she would be back again for a longer visit on Saturday. She has changed her appearance quite a bit. Actually, all of the girls have lost weight since leaving the center. Now, the style is to dye their hair black, so Olya and most of the other girls had dark black hair. I didn’t recognize Olya the first time I saw her hanging up her coat in the hallway. She looks very happy and beautiful, even if she went from beautiful dark blonde to dark black hair!

I sat in the large window seal and visited with some of the girls and enjoyed looking out at the snow. I loved those big window seals, as some of my best conversations with the kids were sitting in those windows. The snow was coming down pretty hard today. In fact, it was coming down so hard that I thought we might get snowed in.

Tanya came to the center around 2:00ish and she went with us to the orphanage to talk to Bogdan. Even though Lance’s Russian is very good, we wanted Tanya to translate for us so there were no misunderstandings. Speaking of Lance’s Russian, he talked with Valerie Victorvich, Tanya’s husband and our Russian teacher when we were there the day before for about 15 minutes strictly in Russian. Valerie said that Lance’s Russian isn’t perfect, but that with about a week with him, that it would be. I know Lance thinks he has forgotten a lot of Russian, but really, he speaks it very well. I know words, but my grammar is pitiful!

So, off we went to the orphanage for the dreaded conversation with Bogdan. We were in the lobby after walking in and some younger kids were at the bottom of the stairs. We could hear them talking and heard Lance’s name and Bogdan’s name. Then they ran up the stairs. By the time we got up to the third floor, where Bogdan’s class lives, he was already coming down the hallway to meet us. As soon as I saw him, my heart sank! He gave us both big hugs and was happy to see us, but you could tell there was nervousness in the air on all our parts. He knew we were there to seriously have a conversation especially since Tanya was with us. So, we walked back to his class and found a room where we could visit. I already had tears in my eyes and it was as if my heart broke all over again upon seeing him. He is really tall now, almost taller than Lance, and just as handsome as always.

We walked into the room and sat on the couch. Lance started by asking him if he knew why we were here. And, he said yes, to talk about the conversation we had when we had visited last summer. We said yes, that is why we were here. Lance explained that he had asked Tanya to come and help him talk to him since we had a lot of really hard things to talk about. Lance explained that everything he was going to say was the absolute truth and that Bogdan could ask him any question he wanted and we would answer it truthfully. We were all nervous wrecks. Even reliving it now as I type, I’m a nervous wreck. Bogdan is like me in that when he gets nervous, he picks at his fingers. By the time this conversation ended, he had peeled off several layers of skin on his fingers. It’s a bad nervous habit, but we both have it. When I noticed what he was doing, I realized I had been picking at my fingers as well. Not as bad as Bogdan though.

Lance did most of the talking and told him that what we had to say was not easy and not a conversation we wanted to have. He told him that we had been doing all the necessary paperwork since we all decided to become a family and we even did the necessary paperwork to adopt his older brother if necessary. We came to Ukraine in December to adopt him and went to the SDA in Kiev and they told us that he was not available for adoption. It was all I could do to hold the tears back at this time and started crying. Bogdan looked at me with such sad eyes and then looked back down at the floor. He looked at the floor most of the conversation, but would look up at each of us occasionally. Lance sat really close to one side of him, with his hands on his legs talking directly to him the whole time. I sat on the other side and had my arm around him rubbing his back through the hard parts of the conversation.

We explained that it was not just us that couldn’t adopt him, but that anyone that wanted to adopt him would not be able to. What a hard thing to for an orphan to hear. He has already lost his parents and has lived in this orphanage for many years and even the state doesn’t care about him or recognize that he exists! It’s just not fair, which I mentioned several times in our conversation.

We then talked about the fact that there are still a few possibilities that we could adopt him, but that the chance of them actually working were very slim and would take a year and a half. Lance explained about the Ukrainian and American rules for adoption and how if Ukraine does the paperwork very quickly we might have a two month window in which we could adopt him before he ages out of the system. Lance also explained that if this didn’t work there is a possibility of him getting a student visa and coming to America. The possibilities of the orphanage director letting him out of the orphanage for a student visa are not that great either. We told him though to think about it and let us know if he wanted us to try one of these options. He didn’t have to tell us today but to think and pray about it. We told him that we would do whatever it took if he wanted us to. We would raise the $20,000 again somehow and do all the paperwork over if needed if that is what he wanted us to do. We told him that if he wanted to stay in Ukraine that it was ok too. We wanted him to make the decision that was best for him and not for us. We told him that he would always be special in our hearts and that we would continue to do anything and everything we could to help him whether he was legally our son and lived in America or not.

Lance then asked him if he remembered their first conversation where Bogdan asked him to help him get to know Jesus, and of course, Bogdan remembers that conversation just as well as Lance does. This is where, I could not hold back tears any longer again and they started rolling fiercely down my cheeks. Lance told him that since that day that he has tried to do everything in his power to show him Jesus and help him. That since that day, Bogdan has been his mission from God. Lance said that he hasn’t done as well as he could have in this endeavor and that he wants to be better. Personally, I think he has done very well in trying to help Bogdan, and I think Bogdan can see the hope and light of Jesus Christ in Lance. He said that he promised Bogdan to help him and that even when Lance is 70 and Bogdan is older too that he wants to still be in contact with him. He explained that if Bogdan decides to stay in Ukraine that he can live in the center and that we will sponsor him. Then we all had to giggle when he said that if he does that, that one of the rules is that they have to write their sponsors every month! So, Bogdan would have to write us at least once a month! We expressed how important it is for us to stay in contact with each other. Lance told him we would help him get into school after the center if he wanted and expressed to him just how important education would be in his life and to work hard at that. He said that in Bogdan’s last letter, he stated he wanted to come to America because he had a better chance of becoming a real man. Lance told him that if he stayed in Ukraine and wanted to become a real man that education was going to be the way to do that. We expressed several times that we were there for Bogdan whether we were able to adopt him or not.

This was a lot for Bogdan to take in and it took a long time to have this conversation with a translator. We asked if he had any questions and he didn’t. We told him over and over again that we loved him very much. We told him that we had given him a lot to think about it and that we would be here for a few more days. We asked if he wanted us to come and visit him again while we were here and he said of course. So, we made plans to come back on Saturday after he got out of school and had lunch to visit. We told him to think about if he wanted us to try and pursue the adoption again and let us know later.

We hugged each other and I cried on Bogdan’s shoulder and told him that if was not fair and that I was very very sorry and that I loved him very much. He said he understood. It was a hard and sad good-bye. Lance and Bogdan had tears in their eyes, but they were much better at holding them in than I was. He walked us out to the stairs and then we headed back to the center.
When we got back to the center, I went in the room and laid down for awhile. I just really wanted to be alone. However, it wasn’t long before I was up and went upstairs as I don’t get to see the kids or Alexandra much and didn’t want to waste anytime I had at the center by sulking in my room.

Not much else happened that evening, except that I tried to help Borya and his brother Maxim in the computer lab. While there, Anya, one of our TLC kids, came to visit. She didn’t get to stay long, but wanted to introduce us to her boyfriend of 6 months and a friend of hers. It was so good to see her and see how she has matured. She still has the same funny sense of humor and made us all laugh, which is what I needed at this point.

I had a tremendous headache, I’m sure from the crying and stress. So, I took some Tylenol and went to bed early around 9:00 or so. Lance got online and did several hours of work and came to bed later.

What a long day! Thank you for prayers in helping us get through it!

Finally, Our Talk with Bogdan
Friday, January 29, 2010

3 Comments
BROOKE
I am so sorry that you guys had to have this conversation with Bogdan. I am so impressed with how you all handled it. You were loving and honest. My heart aches for you all. Sending a REALLY BIG HUG to my dear friends across the miles-
Tuesday, February 2, 2010 - 06:38 PM
ANONYMOUS
I am finishing reading this through tears....but in the tears there is hope....oh my the love and respect and attachment you both have for Bogdan and he for you and all of you for Jesus is so REAL!!! oh wow!! May all three of you continue to feel that love and caring and connection wherever and however this works out....What blessings you both are for Bogdan...he is truly loved and loves you both!! And how very hard this was!

Jeremiah 29:11

with love and prayers...Dixie
Tuesday, February 2, 2010 - 08:06 PM
LORIE KELLY
oh dearest Lance and Debra, I still have tears streaming down my face from reading of all this...I love Bogdon too and it was such fun having you all here that summer...I feel in my heart that one day he will be in America, and Sasha too...did you see Sasha while there ? I hope you might be able to meet Anya Bilyo and Vince Bailey, you will love them, they are returning to Mariupol soon...When you see Bogdon again , will you please tell him for me I miss him and love him and will continue to pray for him ? I will continue to pray for you also. Please give a big hug to Tanya, Alexandria, Sveta, her children, Anya, Oolya and all the children at the TLC and also Natasha if you see her again....I wish I were there with you !!!!! God bless you my friends, Lorie xoxoo
Tuesday, February 2, 2010 - 10:01 PM

Melted Boots...Frozen Poo...Who Knew!

Hasan called this morning to say that he purchased our tickets for the bus and would be over soon.  Luckily, he ran into someone from the bus station that was on his way to Mariupol as well and learned that the morning bus didn’t go but that 10:30 bus was scheduled to leave.  So, he went ahead and purchased our tickets before they ran out. He is such a sweet man.  We are lucky to have him help us out so much.  We left early to make sure that we were able to get a spot on the bus since it would probably be crowded and also so that we could go by the ATM to get more money to pay for the bus tickets.  It seems all we do it go to the ATM for more money.  It must be close to payday, because Lance had to try several machines before he could get money to pay Hasan.

We made it to the bus station and got seats together close to the front.  There wasn’t much room.  In fact, with our coats on, there was hardly enough room to read a magazine.  No worries, though, because our coats didn’t stay on long. We knew it would get hot on the bus, because when it is really cold outside, the temperature on the buses and in the stores is always blazing.  However, we didn’t realize just exactly how hot it would get.  I sat by the window, which in some ways was good, because I could lean on the cold window to cool off, but the heater is also on the floor by the window.  So, I stuffed our backpacks, our coats and anything else I could find on the floor and sat cross-legged on top of it all to block out some of the heat.  This worked a little, but it was still so hot.  At one stop, while most people were off the bus, we got off for a little bit without our coats.  You should have seen the looks we got.  I could tell people thought we were going to die in our t-shirts and no coats.  It felt so good to be out of the steaming hot bus, that the cold air actually felt good. I did put my sweatshirt on so that people would quit staring at me.  When we got back on the bus, I immediately took my sweatshirt off again so that I would not suffocate.

At the next stop, I managed to pull my cuddle dud (long john type shirt) out from under my t-shirt without sharing my belly or anything else with those around me. Luckily, Lance was able to get us some cokes at this stop which was nice because they were really cold, so when I got hot, I just sat it on my neck to cool me off. 

If we didn’t stop so much, the trip could have two hours less.  In a car, we could have made the trip in 4 hours.  On the bus, it took us almost 6 hours.  We made one more longer stop and I decided to try and go to the restroom this time.  Uh, not so good an idea on so many levels.  As I managed to pull my boots out from under all the stuff we had blocking the heat, I noticed they were very hot.  In fact, one of them was slightly melted.  I could still get them on, but it just didn't feel quite right.  I asked a lady outside the bus where the restroom was and she pointed to an outhouse type of bathroom we would normally see at lake parks in America.  There was a sign painted on the back of it that said it didn’t work.  Well, there was no plumbing in there that had to work, so not sure why that sign was there.  As you know, it is really cold here and there is a ton of snow on the ground.  Well, this restroom was a squatty potty…basically two holes cut in the metal bottom of the building that was rotting under all the loveliness that is an outdoor toilet!!  When I first walked in, there was a young woman in the first “spot”, so I walked back out to wait for her to finish.  I don’t really like to share that experience with strangers, if you know what I mean.  I waited outside until she left and then went in.  Oh my!  I have been to Africa and Haiti and have seen my share of squatty potties, but let me tell you.  The restrooms in Haiti were even better than this.  This is probably the second worse bathroom I’ve seen in my life and the first one was at the river my first trip to Ukraine.  It was as if people didn’t even try to hit the hole.  There was poo and trash all over the place.  The only good thing about it was that everything was frozen so there was no smell.  But the sight of it all was horrible!  If I didn’t have to go so badly, I would not have been able to endure it!  I hurried and finished my business and got out as quickly as I could.  It was very hard to walk on all the ice and I was very careful not to step in or slide into frozen poo.  When I got back to the bus and shared my experience with Lance he laughed so hard that he snorted!  We found a new slogan for the trip…”It’s all fun and games until someone falls in frozen poo!”

Finally, we managed to make our way to Mariupol.  It was so crazy.  We would stop all along the way to let people off and pick up new people who would pay the driver personally.  We would let people off in the middle of nowhere!  Seriously, you could not see buildings, roads or anything in some of the places we dropped people off.  Lance wanted to tell everyone this was a bus, not a taxi!  I guess the driver wanted a little extra personal money.

Once we got back to the bus stop, Tanya (our previous co-worker and friend), Julia Sherbakova (a past student of the TLC that many of you know) and Yura (our friendly taxi driver that used to take us to Donetsk) were there waiting for us. It was so fun to be greeted by their hugs and smiles.  We went to the TLC where we used to work and put our things away.  They have created an apartment out of one of the rooms downstairs and that is where we stayed.  I had stayed in this room many times before on campaigns, so it was like being at home again.  In fact, it was as if we were home.  The TLC was so comfortable in that we knew it, we knew the people (most of them), the routines, the building.  It was just like coming home!  What a great feeling.  In fact, in the computer lab, it was almost as if we never left.  Our old newsletters were still on the wall along with the computer rules, schedules, notes, etc. that I had placed there for computer class, along with several pictures that had decorated the door.  It was such a strange feeling being in there.  It was as if we had never left.

It was good to see the kids that we knew there.  There were only two kids from when we were parents that were still in the house, and several that we knew from the our trip last May, and some new ones as well.  Borya, one of our boys was there visiting Julia, his girlfriend and he and Lance had a great conversation.  He also asked me to help him in the computer lab with his and his brother’s mp3 player and we decided to that tomorrow.  We had dinner with the TLC kids and then visited a little before going to bed early.  The bus ride had us pretty worn out.

It was so nice to have a real bed to sleep in.  Not a couch folded out.  I think it was the bed that Gayle and Robert (some friends of ours from church) purchased when they lived here one summer.  We didn’t care if the mattress was a little hard, it felt like Heaven to be in a real bed!